The What Ifs of the Labyrinth
by MaterializedMuse
Summary: While watching the Labyrinth, haven't you ever wondered what would have been the outcome should Sarah have done something different?
1. Chapter 1

1. What if Sarah took the crystal the first time Jareth offered it?

2. What if Sarah never asked Hoggle the right way to get in?

3. What if Sarah turned left instead of right?

4. What if Sarah asked the worm why she shouldn't go "that way"?

5. What if Sarah caught the little guys while they were changing her lipstick marks?

6. What if Sarah didn't solve Ralph, Alph, Tim, and Jim's riddle?

7. What if Sarah chose up instead of down?

8. What if Sarah gave a different answer then "it's a piece of cake"?

9. What if Hoggle didn't run from the roar?

10. What if Sarah didn't help Ludo?

11. What if Sarah chose the other knocker?

12. What if Sarah liked the firey's?

13. What if Sarah didn't kiss Hoggle?

14. What if Sarah fell into the Bog of Eternal Stench?

15. What if Ludo beat Sir Didymus?

16. What if Sir Didymus beat Ludo?

17. What if Hoggle threw the peach into the Bog of Eternal Stench?

18. What if Hoggle ate the peach?

19. What if Ludo ate the peach?

20. What if Sir Didymus ate the peach?

21. What if Ambrosius ate the peach?

22. What if Sarah continued dancing?

23. What if Sarah never remembered Toby?

24. What if Sir Didymus had woken up the guard?

25. What if Ludo couldn't fit in the goblin house?

26. What if Sarah didn't reach the castle?

27. What if Jareth had never used the Escher room before?

28. What if Sarah figured out the stairs?

29. What if Jareth had magic trouble and he didn't walk through Sarah?

30. What if Sarah took up Jareth's offer the last time?

31. What if Sarah couldn't remember her line?

32. What if Sarah's parents got back before she did?

33. What if Jareth was invited to the party?


	2. Chapter 2

Jareth: I have brought you a gift.

Sarah: OOOOH!!! Shiny! I want it!

Jareth: Then forget about the baby.

Sarah: …

Jareth: Hmmmm? **does some fancy hand work with the ball** You know you want to.

Sarah: Shiny ball versus screaming baby brother…

Jareth: Can you speed this up?

Sarah: Ball please! **holds out hands to receive it**

Jareth: It was that easy? **Sarah nods** Sweet! You now belong to me and we shall make babies for eternity!

Sarah: What?! **Jareth holds up the crystal again** OOOOH!!! Shiny!

Jareth: Like taking candy from a baby.

Sarah: What babe?

Jareth: Babe with the candy.

Sarah: What candy?

Jareth: The candy made of chocolate.

Sarah: What do?

Jareth: The candy.

Sarah: Do what?

Jareth: Gets taken from the babe.

Sarah: I still don't get it.

Jareth: Doesn't matter. Let's fly away to my castle! Well…I'll fly, you have to walk.

Sarah: Damn.

And they lived happily ever after and Sarah got to play with his balls everyday **the crystal ones you perverts**

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So I'm basically forcing myself to keep these short because I know if I choose to write a longer version I'll just keep going and going until it's a novel.

But I do hope that even in their brevity, they are silly, funny, and that you enjoy.

Please rate.


	3. Chapter 3

Sarah: Um, excuse me, but where's the door to the Labyrinth?

Hoggle: What door?

Sarah: The one that leads to the Labyrinth.

Hoggle: Huh?

Sarah: Can you just tell me where the entrance is?

Hoggle: What entrance?

Sarah: The one to the Labyrinth!

Hoggle: Don't get all mad at me just 'cause you ain't thinking of the right questions.

Sarah: What is the way to get into the Labyrinth?

Hoggle: On foot of course.

Sarah: UGH!

**13 hours later**

Jareth: Wow…You seriously couldn't think to just say, "How do I get into the Labyrinth?"?

Sarah: Shut up!

Jareth: Just saying…Well, Toby is now a goblin and you totally failed as the role of the heroine. What do you plan on doing now?

Sarah: Killing that $%*&^%$ dwarf!!! Come here Hogwart!

Hoggle: It's HOGGLE!!!

Jareth: **glee**

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Yep, still going for short and silly.

Read, enjoy, rate.


	4. Chapter 4

Worm: There's a turn right in front of ya.

Sarah: But that's just a wall.

Worm: It's a turn. I'm a worm, why would I lie to you?

Sarah: I guess you have a point. **goes through the "wall"** Hey. That was incredibly helpful, thank you. **goes left**'

Worm: Wait! Don't go that way.

Sarah: **comes back** What?

Worm: I said, don't go that way. Never go that way.

Sarah: …Why?

Worm: If you keep on goin' that way, you'll go straight to the castle.

Sarah: But that's where I WANT to go! Stupid worm. **stomps off the to left**

MEANWHILE

Jareth: She just entered the Labyrinth. Guess that means I have thirteen hours to kill.

Toby: Goo?

Jareth: …You remind me of the babe.

Goblin 1: What babe?

Jareth: Babe with the power.

Goblin 1: What the hell?

Jareth: Wrong line stupid! **poofs him away to the Bog of Eternal Stench**

Goblin 2: What power?

Jareth: Power of voodoo.

Goblin 2: Now that's just dumb. **gets poofed away**

Goblin 3: Who do?

Jareth: You do.

Goblin 3: I thought Goblin 1 did.

Jareth: Will anyone do this correctly?! **kicks Goblin 3**

Goblin 3: OW! Alright, alright. Do what?

Jareth: Remind me of the—

Sarah: Um—

Jareth: WHAT NOW?! Oh…It's you. Wait…WTF? It's you! What are you doing here? It hasn't even been fifteen minutes!

Sarah: I went left.

Jareth: Damn.

Sarah: Baby please.

Jareth: No.

Sarah: But that's not fair!

Jareth: Dur. Goblin King. Anyways, **clears throat**, I would much rather make a bargain.

Sarah: I'm listening.

Jareth: I return the baby in exchange for yourself.

Sarah: Hmm…I don't know.

Jareth: Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave.

Sarah: Slave eh? Well seeing as that I haven't spent the past thirteen hours going through tribulations while gaining friends, getting smarter, and growing up, I guess I don't know any better than to just accept your offer.

Jareth: Great.

Sarah: Now go make me some food.

Jareth: But I don't feel like making anything.

Sarah: Didn't you just say you'd be my slave?

Jareth: Well yes bu—

Sarah: Then make me my food!

Jareth: But it's not fair!

Sarah: Nope.

Jareth: You suck.

Sarah: Yep.

Jareth: **grumble**

Sarah: Love you.

Jareth: Your eyes can be so cruel!

Sarah: **giggles**

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Once again, I emphasize the shortness of it all. If you wish they were longer just tell me and I can make them longer because I have a week break from school, but otherwise you can just imagine the smaller details.

Read, enjoy, rate.


	5. Chapter 5

Sarah: I'm so smart. Only a genius would think to mark the ground with lipstick to avoid going in circles…But when did I put the tube in my pocket? Last I remember, I threw it on my dresser when my evil father went on the date with stupid Karen…Oh well. **walks away merrily**

Little Guy 1: AH! What's with the writing on the friggedy walls?! OOH! Your mother is a fraggen aardvark! **turns the tile over**

Sarah: Tra la la la la. **does another mark**

Little Guy 1: Argh! Juvenile delinquent!

Little Guy 2: Ah! My poor friggedy walls!

Sarah: Hm? **turns around** AH! It's the borrowers!

Little Guy 1: What?

Little Guy 2: Borrowers?

Sarah: Yeah, those people who borrow things.

Little Guy 1/2: …

Sarah: Hey…Wait a minute. You've been changing my marks! Oh it's not fair!

Little Guy 1: Well you should've thought of that before you started drawing on people's walls.

Little Guy 2: Yeah! What's the fraggedy idea?

Sarah: **steps on Little Guy 2** Now change my marks back.

Little Guy 1: POR QUE?!?!?!?!

Sarah: Well?

Little Guy 1: Yes ma'am.

MEANWHILE

Jareth: **saw everything that happened in his crystal ball** …

Goblin: Are you okay?

Jareth: Give Toby back to Sarah.

Goblin: What? She hasn't defeated the Labyri—

Jareth: Just do it! **curls into fetal position** Poor Little Guy 2.

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I didn't actually know where I was going to go with this one. I wasted a whole thirty minutes trying to figure out what to call those little guys.

Anyways, read, enjoy, review.


	6. Chapter 6

What if Sarah didn't solve Ralph, Alph, Tim, and Jim's riddle?

Sarah: This was just a dead end a minute ago.

Tim: No, that's the dead end, behind you.

Sarah: It keeps changing! That's not fair!

Jim: What a whiny little baby. Can we just get on with the plot?

Sarah: …OOH! Doors! I am compelled to go through them even though I can just as easily climb over the maze walls!

Jim: Well one leads to the castle, and the other leads to—

Tim: BABABABUM!

Jim: Certain death!

Ralph/Alph/Tim/Jim: OOOOH!!!

Sarah: Which one is which?

Ralph: Everything comes at a price. What are you willing to pay?

Sarah: I'm underage.

Alph: We just wanna play a game.

Sarah: …I'm not cutting off my foot.

Ralph: Just solve the riddle.

Alph: You only ask one of us, but one of us always lies, and one of us always tells the truth.

Sarah: Oh snap.

Ralph: I tell the truth.

Alph: Oh what a lie!

Sarah: You two are so stupid!

Ralph: No, you're stupid!

Sarah: AHA! So YOU are the one who lies! **turns to Alph** Does this door lead to the castle?

Alph: Yes.

Sarah: Yippee for the genius! **steps through the door and plummets to her demise**

Jareth: NO! Now who will I give my LSD peaches to?!

Ralph: That was really pathetic.

Alph: She didn't even notice how my shield shows someone falling to their doom.

Jareth: This sucks.

Ralph: Stop whining. You set this riddle up. Now go back to your castle and play with your balls since you have nothing better to do.

Jareth: …

Tim: He means your crystals!

Jareth: …

Jim: Oh just go play with a chicken.

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So I hope you all enjoy this one. I actually got the last line from a comic I'm writing, but as a look it over again, it is a lot dirtier than I intended.

Read, enjoy, review. They keep me smiling.


	7. Chapter 7

What if Sarah chose up instead of down?

Sarah: Ewwww. Gross arthritic hands. Yucky.

Hand 1: Which way do you want to go?

Hand 2: Yes, which way?

Hand 3: We haven't got all day.

Sarah: Oh yeah? Where do you plan on going?

Hand 3: …Shut up.

Sarah: That's what I thought. Ummm…I don't know.

Hand 1: There's only two choices.

Sarah: The dark pit below me does seem very appealing, but I did solve the riddle up top saying that path leads to the castle…So I guess I'll go down—Wait, wait! I mean up, up! I always get those two confused.

Hand 157: Okey dokey! Up it is! **the hands push her up**

Sarah: Gracias amigos!

Hand 6: Do I look Mexican to you?

Sarah: How should I know? **skips merrily to the castle** Oh Mr. Goblin King!

Jareth: You have got to be kidding me!

Sarah: Nope. Baby please.

Jareth: Are you sure you don't want the shiny ball? **does some awesome contact juggling**

Sarah: Can't I have both?

Jareth: No.

Sarah: Aw man. Give me To—

Jareth: Wait! Look what I'm offering you. Your dreams.

Sarah: My dreams? Well my dream is to have a pink pony that can fly.

Jareth: Um, yeah. Sure.

Sarah: And a chocolate mountain.

Jareth: Erm, ok.

Sarah: And a giant tarantula who shall roam the land and I will name it Clicky and it shall be my Clicky!

Jareth: …

Sarah: Those are my three dreams.

Jareth: Okay. What if I just give you a black chicken?

Sarah: …

Jareth: And you can name it Clucky.

Sarah: That is so dumb! Are you high or something?

Jareth: Not that I know of.

Sarah: …Give me the crystal.

Jareth: Yippee! **hands her the crystal**

Sarah: Ok, so where is my dream chicken, Clucky?

Jareth: I'll be right back. **brings back a chicken** Tada!

Sarah: AW! Clucky! You are Clucky and you shall be my Clucky forever more and we shall rule together over Cluckyland and no one will stand in our way of world dominance!

Jareth: I just created a monster, didn't I?

Sarah: You have no idea.

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Um, yeah. Very, very, very random.

Read, enjoy, review.


	8. Chapter 8

What if Sarah gave a different answer than "it's a piece of cake"?

Jareth: And you, how are you enjoying my Labyrinth?

Sarah: You want to know how I'm _enjoying_ your Labyrinth?

Jareth: Isn't that what I just asked?

Sarah: It's the hardest, most difficult, utterly infuriating, and irritatingly annoying thing I have ever experienced in my entire life. Now can you please step aside and let me continue trying to defeat this wretched place?

Jareth: And take away all the fun of insidiously toying with your pretty little head? Never. Besides, I am the Goblin King. I take orders from no one.

Sarah: **kicks him in the groin and laughs as he doubles over in pain** You may be a Goblin King, but you are still a man (as generously displayed by your tights).

Hoggle: Well that was a low blow as I've ever seen one.

Jareth: OW! Ugh…Oh-ow…What did I do to deserve that?

Sarah: Um, well, let's see. Oh ya! You stole my brother!

Jareth: You asked me to!

Sarah: That's beside the point.

Jareth: And you were _always_ complaining about how much you hated your family.

Sarah: So?

Jareth: And _you're _the one who has a bloody statue of me on your desk!

Sarah: Yeah but—Waaait a minute. How do you know what's on my desk?

Jareth: …

Sarah: AH! Creepy stalker man!

Jareth: At least I don't have an effigy of you on my desk!

Sarah: Ewww. You've been watching me. You're a pervert.

Jareth: No, you're the pervert.

Hoggle: Will you two just quit it?

Jareth: Shut up Hedgewart!

Sarah: Frodo!

Hoggle: HOGGLE!!!

Jareth: Whatever! Sarah.

Sarah: Yeees?

Jareth: Before I set the cleaners on you so I can show off my awesome powers again, I will give you another chance to take up my offer.

Sarah: What are the cleaners, Higgle? **he tells her** You're a jerk Jareth. You know that, right?

Jareth: Yep.

Sarah: Fine. I'll take the stupid crystal.

Jareth: Yay! Here ya go!

Sarah: **takes the crystal and Toby magically appears in her arms** AHA! My dream was to have Toby back. Sucker.

Jareth: Aw…

Sarah: I win. **Jareth magically poofs into her arms as well** What the hell?

Jareth: Apparently you dreamed of me too. _I_ win.

Sarah: Well this is awkward. **drops Jareth and walks away**

Jareth: **sighs** She loves me.

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I am grateful that I was re-informed about how script form violates 's terms, but I don't have time to do anything more thorough as the moment. Hopefully they won't catch me. Perhaps I will write this in actual story form later on which I can already imagine will be loads of fun.

Also, I would love it if someone could recommend a movie or book to do another set of "What Ifs" on.

Other than that, I would like to thank everyone for their reviews and to everyone that added this story to their favorites or is keeping a close watch on the next update.

Read, enjoy, review.


	9. Chapter 9

What if Hoggle didn't run from the roar?

Hoggle: Wow…I can't believe I have a friend.

Sarah: I can't believe it either.

Hoggle: I ain't ever had no friend before.

???: ROAR!!!

Sarah: WHAT WAS THAT?!

Hoggle: A roar obviously.

Sarah: What made it?

Hoggle: Probably something big and mean.

Sarah: And this doesn't faze you whatsoever?

Hoggle: Nah. I've lived here too long to be afraid of anything.

Sarah: Yeah right. You cowered before Jareth when he threatened to throw you in the Bog of Smelly.

Hoggle: Bog of Eternal Stench.

Sarah: Whatever.

???: ROAR!!!

Sarah: Ok, that sounds really scary. I'm going the other way.

Hoggle: **grabs her** No! We're going this way 'cause it's the fastest way to the castle. C'mon.

Sarah: But—But—

Hoggle: Oh shut up.

Sarah: Yes sir…

Hoggle: **sees the monster being picked on** If only I had something to throw. **a rock rolls over** Heck ya! **starts chucking rocks at the monster**

Sarah: Don't you feel bad for the thing? He's getting beat up.

Hoggle: Oh I hit the face! Ten points!

Sarah: …Give me a rock. **starts throwing as well**

Monster: ROAR!!! **a flood of rocks pour in and squish everybody**

Jareth: Ugh! You've got to be kidding me! This girl has read the Labyrinth _how_ many times and she _still_ doesn't know what to do?! And then she gets smashed by a rock. Just bloody brilliant.

Toby: Goo?

Jareth: Well I guess I'm stuck with you now.

Toby: Ishy bod troog la…la la la la.

Jareth: Hmmm…I shall call you…Mini Jareth.

"Mini Jareth": …

Jareth: What's that look for?

"Mini Jareth": Nothing tra la la.

Jareth: …

"Mini Jareth": …

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So I wrote this one in a hurry because I was eager to type up the ones I wrote in class.

On another note, I'm grateful for the suggestion to do Finding Nemo What Ifs. I would probably do Beauty and the Beast, but I don't have that movie.

The rest of these should be pouring out pretty quickly because I have an idea for an actual fanfiction in story format that will not stop poking at my mind and I want to purge myself of it.

Read, enjoy, review.


	10. Chapter 10

What if Sarah didn't help Ludo?

Sarah: You better not be leading me back to the beginning.

Hoggle: I ain't!

Sarah: Well you better not be, or else. You can't magically poof away like Jareth can.

Hoggle: …Crap.

???: ROAR!

Hoggle: AH! Goodbye! **starts to run away**

Sarah: Oh no you don't! **grabs him and drags him along** I want to see what it growling like a huge, dangerous monster that could easily eat me.

Hoggle: Didn't you mom teach you better than that?

Sarah: …

Hoggle: Well?

Sarah: Doesn't matter. I want to fill out the role of the fearless heroin.

???: ROAR!

Sarah: **peeks around the corner and sees a bunch of small guys holding sticks with demon-like-fetuses attacking a red yeti** Woah…I knew the air smelled different, but I didn't think it was some type of drug.

Hoggle: Don't worry, I'm seeing it too.

Sarah: Hm…For some reason I feel like throwing things at the goblins attacking the monster. **a rock rolls over to her** Oh! How convenient! **starts chucking rocks**

Hoggle: …

Sarah: Yay! I defeated them! **takes out a piece of paper and pencil from her pocket and checks something off**

Hoggle: What was that?

Sarah: Oh, I was just checking off step number 32 of Heroines, for Dummies: save (insert damsel, prince, or miscellaneous creature here) from distress.

Hoggle: Freak.

Sarah: Says the one who loves plastic.

Hoggle: Shut up.

Sarah: Anyways, back to the beast. Do you know the way to the castle?

Beast: Although this is indeed my habitat, I have not yet had the pleasure of venturing so far into the Labyrinth as to know how to reach its innermost sanctum.

Sarah: …

Hoggle: …

Sarah: Holy shit, it talks!

Beast: How very observant of you. However, I fear I must correct you on one of her bold assumptions. I am not an "it," my name is Ludo. Now would you be ever so kind and lower me from this precarious situation?

Sarah: No.

Ludo: Why do you deny my humble request? I am not a raging, irascible beast whose sole purpose is to devour you and your companion.

Sarah: You don't know the way to the castle, you're useless.

Ludo: On the contrary, I am certainly not a feckless being; I would be an exceptional surrogate to your dwarf—which, I hate to say, has no such sagacity as I.

Hoggle: I don't know what you just said, but screw you.

Sarah: Still no. You probably are just talking all smart as a façade (Ha! I know big words too) so that you can eat us when I let you down. Goodbye.

Hoggle: And good riddance. **they walk away**

Ludo: …Damn. How'd they know?

Meanwhile…

Jareth: Finally she manages to avoid something that will daunt her journey. It's like a frieken miracle.

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I recognize the suggestion to write these in context of each character's personality and what not, but I'm sort of stuck on pure silliness at this point so I apologize to any disappointed readers.

As you can see, I had fun inserting some "smart-sounding" words in there. I guess all those vocabulary tests finally paid off.

Read, enjoy, review.


	11. Chapter 11

What if Sarah chose the other knocker?

Sarah: Holy canoli! Doors! How'd they get here?

Ludo: Iono.

Sarah: Hmmm…Well, since they're here, I might as well go through one. But only one, 'cause looking through each door to see which one is safer if just stupid.

Ludo: Uh-huh.

Sarah: Which one should I pick?

Ludo: Eaws.

Sarah: Ok, the one with the knocker going through its brain. That seems smart.

Mouth Knocker: Mhmm mnm hmgrm!

Sarah: …Dude. Just open your mouth and let the handle fall to the ground.

Mouth Knocker: **does what she said** Wow, I can't believe I didn't think of that before.

Sarah: Yep, definitely not going through you.

Ear Knocker: I've been sittin' here for 62 years and this is the first time he's had sense enough to let go of that dang blasted thing.

Mouth Knocker: Well at least I got mine out!

Ear Knocker: I'm the rubber, you're the glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.

Mouth Knocker: …Damn. He always wins at that.

Ludo: Mowon.

Sarah: I think I just heard my brain cells committing suicide.

Ludo: What bwain cells?

Sarah: Watch it fluffy. **opens the door which apparently leads to a large bathroom** Woah, wait, what?

Jareth: **singing in the shower** No, you'll never be alone. When darkness comes you know I'm never far. Hear my whispers in the da—

Sarah: Jareth?!

Jareth: Sarah?! **hides behind shower curtain** What are you doing here?!

Sarah: Getting scarred for life.

Ludo: ARGH! Gwoss!

Sarah: But since I'm here…

Jareth: Can't you wait until I'm dressed?

Sarah: Nope, give me the child.

Jareth: Oh not _this _crappy monologue.

Sarah: Through dangers untold—

Jareth: It wasn't that bad.

Sarah: And hardships unnumbered—

Jareth: Hyperbole much?

Sarah: I have fought my way here—

Jareth: No you didn't.

Sarah: To the castle beyond the Goblin City—

Jareth: You mean my bathroom?

Sarah: To take back the child that you have stolen—

Jareth: You _told_ me to!

Sarah: For my will is as strong as yours—

Jareth: Still naked here.

Sarah: And my kingdom as great—

Jareth: What kingdom?

Sarah: You have no power over me.

Jareth: …Uh…Yeah I do.

Sarah: What?

Jareth: Now that you've "seen" me, I have plenty of power over you.

Sarah: Like what?

Jareth: Your libido.

Ludo: Oh snap.

Sarah: I'm only 15!

Jareth: Doesn't matter. Go away now so I can get dressed.

Sarah: …I should have chosen the other door.

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If you read the Labyrinth, you'll know what actually happened when she went through the other door. It's weird, even by Labyrinth standards.

Oh my, three updates in one day? That's insane. This is what happens when I do my work ahead of time therefore giving me nothing to do in class.

Anyways, read, enjoy, review.


	12. Chapter 12

What if Sarah liked the Fireys?

Sarah: Ludo? Ludo, where'd you go?

Firey 1: Hey!

Firey 2: Wahoo!

Sarah: What do you want?

Firey 6: We just wanna have a good time!

Sarah: …Awkward…

Firey 2: **makes a fire and chucks his hand in** Wheee!

Sarah: Woah Nelly! Why'd you do that?! That was your hand!

Firey 1: **takes his eyeballs out and eats them** Look ma! No eyes!

Sarah: Hey, that's pretty nifty.

Firey 3: Yeehaw! **takes off his head**

Firey 4: Woah! Don't lose your head!

Sarah: Haha. You guys are funny.

Firey 2: Ain't got no problems.

Sarah: Sweet!

Firey 3: Ain't got no suitcase.

Sarah: P'cha!

Firey 4: Ain't got no clothes to worry about.

Sarah: AWESOME! I want to join!

Firey 5: YES!

Sarah: Yay! I get to chilly down with the fire gang!

Firey 2: Whooya!

Sarah: Yippeekayay! Scrimmagey whapalambow! Zippidy doo da Dumbledore!!!

Firey 1: …

Firey 3: She's a strange one…

Firey 1: No kidding.

Firey 6: Let's take off her head!

Sarah: YAY!

Meanwhile…

Jareth: I don't get this girl. She'll forget about the baby to join a gang of crackheads rather than stay with me, an unbelievably gorgeous Goblin King, and have everything she ever wanted. **sigh** Well at least I can make some money by sending in a video of her to "Epically Failed Heroines Gone Insane."

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Not much I want to say about this one.

Read, enjoy, review (please?).


	13. Chapter 13

What if Sarah didn't kiss Hoggle?

Sarah: Oh Hoggle, you saved me! **leans down to him**

Hoggle: No, don't kiss me!

Sarah: …Why would I kiss you? **gives him a hug** I'd rather kiss Jareth than you.

Jareth: **appears out of nowhere** Is that a promise?

Sarah: AH! Just because you can do that, doesn't mean you should every chance you get!

Jareth: Well?

Sarah: Well what?

Jareth: My kiss please.

Hoggle: Jerk.

Sarah: That was just an expression.

Jareth: An expression you saw perfectly fit to insert my name into.

Hoggle: Yeah, you could have said something like a Firey.

Sarah: Shut up, Doc.

Jareth: It's Pipin.

Hoggle: How many frieken times do I have to say it?! It's HOGGLE!

Jareth: Maybe you should consider changing your name.

Sarah: Ya! How about Skywalker?

Hoggle: No.

Jareth: Baku?

Sarah: Sebastian?

Jareth: Willow?

Sarah: Mickey?

Hoggle: No, no, no, no, no! I ain't changin' my name! Just get your damn kiss on and leave me the hell alone!

Jareth: If you say so. **kisses Sarah "against her will"**

Sarah: You chauvinistic, egotistical pig!

Jareth: I know. **grins smugly while poofing away**

Sarah: And you Higgle—

Hoggle: HOGGLE!

Sarah: Hogface, you're so dead!

Hoggle: You can't blame me! At least he won't dump us in the Bog of Eternal Stench now!

Sarah: …

Hoggle: And you can't say it wasn't good.

Sarah: How would _you_ know?

Hoggle: …

Sarah: EW! GROSS! UGH!

Jareth: **came back with Toby in his arms** Okay, I have a brilliant proposition. You have an awesome, fanservice inspired make-out session with me, and you can have the baby.

Sarah: Heck no, techno. You made out with Hoggle!

Jareth: It was _one_ time!

Sarah: I think I'm gonna hurl.

Jareth: It's either this or you can forget about your baby brother.

Sarah: …

Hoggle: Ooh. Suspense.

Sarah: Sorry Toby. **goblins come and take her back home**

Jareth: …

Hoggle: …

Jareth: You just _had_ to say something.

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Once again, not much to say other than, "OMG, what was I thinking?"

Read, enjoy, review.


	14. Chapter 14

What if Sarah fell into the Bog of Eternal Stench?

Sarah: Oh Hoggle, you saved me!

Hoggle: Argh! It's HOGG—Wait…you got it right.

Sarah: Now I must do what every Disney princess does when she is rescued. **kisses him**

Hoggle: Nooooooooooooooooooooo…Hey…Nothing happe— **the ground opens up beneath them** AAAAAAHHHH!!!

Sarah: Wheee!

Hoggle: **grabs onto a root** Oh thank goodness.

Sarah: It's like Raging Waters! **flies out of the opening and lands in the bog** Aside from the smell, this is fun. **starts splashing around**

Hoogle: That girl is one peach short of a fruit salad.

Jareth: NO! Why didn't you save her? Now she's all gross and stinky.

Sarah: Hey Jareth, I've had a change of heart. I'd _love_ to be your queen.

Hoggle: Sarah, Queen of the Land of Stench. It's kinda catchy.

Jareth: Um um…I love you Sarah, but you really reek.

Sarah: **climbs out of the bog** Can't you just use your magic dance to fix it? Slime and snails? Puppy dog tails?

Jareth: Nothing can ever remove that stench.

Hoggle: Heh heh.

Jareth: Now how will I make glittery babies with her?

Hoggle: Turn off the lights.

Jareth: How will that take care of the smell?

Hoggle: Air freshener then.

Jareth: That won't help much.

Hoggle: You live with chickens and goblins! How much more disgusting can it get?

Jareth: **kicks Hoggle into the bog** Shaddup.

Sarah: Yay! Cannonball! **jumps in the smelly muck with him**

Jareth: Well today has been one big disappointment…

Random Goblin That Appeared Out Of Nowhere: Um…Your highness?

Jareth: What?

Random Goblin That Appeared Out Of Nowhere: The baby is smelly too. I think you need to change him.

Jareth: Damn, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, I have to change a frieken diaper.

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Sorry it took me a while to put something this short up. I've been a bit…preoccupied.

But on a random note, three things came to mind while writing this:

1) Did Jareth, or some poor goblin that had to do whatever Jareth says, have to change Toby? I mean, he _is_ a baby and it was 13 hours for goodness' sake.

2) Does Jareth even know the baby's name? I think the first time the baby is called by name in his presence is in the Escher Room.

3) Is it just me or does Ludo look like a complete pedophile when he and Sarah go through the door with the knocker in its mouth?

Hopefully this wasn't as disturbing as the last few ones. I'm still trying to figure out what caused that chain reaction.

An author by the name of Skellagirl on here has offered to write a one shot or two using a few ideas from here (or something like that, it's been a while since I read the message), so keep an eye out for them.

Otherwise, read, enjoy, review.


	15. Chapter 15

What if Ludo beat Sir Didymus?

Sarah: Ugh, this smell!

Hoggle: It's a smelly kind of smell that smells smelly.

Sarah: Hey, a bridge! Maybe it leads away from here. Let's go.

Ludo: SMELL.

Sarah: **they arrive at the bridge** Ok, almost there.

Sir Didymus: AHA! You shall not pass!

Hoggle: What? Why not?

Sir Didymus: I have a sworn duty to allow none to pass.

Sarah: Move out of our way, ya mangy mutt, before I get Ludo all up in your grill.

Ludo: Word.

Sir Didymus: I see, then let us fight to the death! RAWR!

Ludo: **picks up a tree branch and squishes Didymus**

Sarah: OOOH snap! You just got served!

Hoggle: …

Sarah: Let's bounce. **Ludo and Hoggle step forward and get blown up by a landmine** WTF?!

Jareth (who just loves to randomly poof in when I need him): Dude, why did you go past the line? Did you think I assigned someone to guard it just for _fun_?

Sarah: I just wanted out of the smell.

Jareth: Well maybe you shouldn't have kissed Hoggle.

Sarah: …AWWW!!! _SOME_one's jealous!

Jareth: Am not!

Sarah: Suuure you're not. **pokes him in the stomach**

Jareth: Cut it out.

Sarah: Okay, my widdle jeawous Gobwin King.

Jareth: …Can you feel my eyes burning into your soul with rage?

Sarah: …………Hey! I kinda do!

Jareth: **sigh** Look, now that you have no one to help you find your way to the castle, defeat Humongous, and evade my army (not to mention no drugged peach), do you just want to call a truce?

Sarah: I'm listening.

Jareth: I will return the babe if you go on a date with me.

Sarah: Do I get to go back home afterwards?

Jareth: That's up to you.

Sarah: Sure! Let's do it!

Jareth: That's what she said.

Sarah: …

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Ok, so I wasn't really anticipating a date, but one thing lead to another and that's that.

As for the "that's what she said"…I seriously think I need to stop watching the office. Haha.

ANYwho: read, enjoy, review.


	16. Chapter 16

What if Sir Didymus beat Ludo?

Sarah: This sucks…First guys throwing their heads around and now a smelly bog.

Hoggle: I TOLD you not to kiss me.

Sarah: Don't even try to act like you didn't enjoy it.

Ludo: YUCK!

Sarah: Ya, ya, ya. I know. Come on, I think I see a bridge.

Hoggle: But why did you kiss me?

Sarah: I don't know.

Hoggle: It's like you didn't even care that I have cold sores all over my face.

Sarah: GROSS!!!

Ludo: Heh heh.

Sarah: Shut up! **they arrive at the bridge** You first Hoggle.

Sir Didymus: I don't think so, my fine feathered friend!

Hoggle: Feathered?

Sarah: …

Sir Didymus: It's an expression. Anyways, NONE SHALL PASS!

Ludo: Why not?

Sir Didymus: Ah, I see your articulacy has advanced since last I captured you and handed you over to the goblins! We shall fight!

Ludo: Wha?

Sir Didymus: MWAHAHAHA! **conks Ludo on the head causing him to "lose"** And so David takes down Goliath!

Sarah: You read the Bible?

Sir Didymus: The what?

Sarah: Never mind.

Sir Didymus: In my victory, I claim the girl!

Sarah: No.

Sir Didymus: The dwarf then.

Sarah: No.

Sir Didymus: The beast's fur for warmth?

Sarah: No.

Sir Didymus: …

Hoggle: Sooooo what was the point of killing Ludo?

Sir Didymus: Ah, for good sport.

Hoggle: **takes out a gun and shoots him**

Sarah: OMG! Why did you do that?!

Hoggle: He was clearly a hazard to society.

Sarah: Point taken.

Meanwhile…

Jareth: NYAHAHAHA! Now Sarah will never be able to defeat my army! Everything is going according to plan.

Random Goblin: Um…Your highness?

Jareth: Yeeeeeesssss?

Random Goblin: Um…Well…Er—

Jareth: Spit it out already!

Random Goblin: The girl sort of got shot.

Jareth: WHAT?!

Random Goblin: Um well the dwarf deemed her as a "hazard to society" when she said she would never become your queen.

Jareth: DAMNIT!

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Sorry for not updating for a while.

Read, enjoy, review.


	17. Chapter 17

What if Hoggle threw the peach into the Bog of Eternal Stench?

Hoggle: I can't give this peach to lil' ol' Sarah…She's my friend.

Disembodied Voice of Jareth: This is your conscience speaking…Give her the peach…

Hoggle: You ain't no conscience of mine. Jareth?

Disembodied Voice of Jareth: Noooo…This is your _conscience_.

Hoggle: _No_ you _ain't_.

Jareth: Just give her the flippin' peach!

Hoggle: Well if you're gonna be a brat about it **chucks the peach into the bog**

Jareth: …

Hoggle: …

Jareth: Oh you are _so_ dead.

Hoggle: It's your fault! With all the yellin' and the poofin'.

Sarah: Hoggle, are you comi—Jareth? You aren't supposed to be in this scene.

Jareth: Ya well thanks to Hogbrain—

Hoggle: Hoggle.

Jareth: I wasn't trying to say your name. Anywho, thanks to _Hogbrain_, there isn't going to be the next scene.

Sarah: Why not?

Jareth: Because now I won't be able to give you the um…the mrmph prghle thngh.

Sarah: What?

Jareth: I can't give you the mrmph prghle.

Sarah: What are you saying? Stop mumbling.

Jareth: 'Cause I can't give you the magic peach!

Sarah: What magic peach? Henson never told me about a peach.

Jareth: Umm yeah…About that…

Sarah: You were going to drug me on set?!

Jareth: Nothing explicit of course…heh…heh…

Sarah: Oh that's it. I'm outta here! **storms off set**

Hoggle: Serves ya straight.

Jareth: **throws a crystal at his head** Shut up.

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I'm sorry that it's so short.

Yeah…well at least there's no guns in this one. ^_~

Read, enjoy, review.


	18. Chapter 18

What if Hoggle ate the peach?

Sarah: I'm so hungry…If only we could find some berries or something…

Hoggle: **fumbles the peach**

Sarah: Oh Hoggle! How absolutely divine!

Hoggle: No! It's mine! **shoves it in his mouth and eats it** See?

Sarah: You're a selfish pig.

Hoggle: Erm, ya…Uh Sarah?

Sarah: WHAT?!

Hoggle: Is it just me or is everything dancing?

Sarah: …I knew you were gay.

Hoggle: Wha— **gets poofed away to a ballroom in a dress that magically fits him** This is worse than that time I did that stripping gig for the fairies.

Jareth: HOGGLE?!

Hoggle: Erm, noooooo…I'm S—Sarah. Heh, heh.

Jareth: How stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Hoggle: You're the one who kidnapped her baby brother and expects her to fall into your arms.

Jareth: Why the hell did you eat the peach?

Hoggle: Whoever said I ate it?

Jareth: …

Hoggle: Ludo _made_ me eat it.

Jareth: Uh-huh. You _do_ know I can just look inside my little crystal and see what happened, right?

Hoggle: I KNEW it!

Jareth: Knew what?

Hoggle: You're a gypsy! I've been trying to get my finger on it—

Jareth: —That's what she said—

Hoggle: For the longest time—you're gross—and I finally got it! Crystal balls, chickens, goblins…it all adds up.

Jareth: Get out…NOW!

Hoggle: How?

Jareth: **kicks him through the glass—bubble—whatever**

Later…Back in his castle

Jareth: I don't know how he could tell…I've been disguising my gypsy ways so well.

Psychiatrist Goblin: Uh-huh. And how does that make you feel?

Jareth: Sad.

Psychiatrist Goblin: I see. What do you want to do about it?

Jareth: Kick a goblin.

Psychiatrist Goblin: I see, I see…How very interesting…

Meanwhile…With Sarah and the gang

Hoggle: **still in dress** This is not what it looks like.

Sarah: Pay up Didymus, I told you he was gay.

Sir Didymus: Just because he's a drag queen does NOT mean he is a homosexual!

Sarah: Ya, ya whatever. Cough it up.

Hoggle: I'M NOT GAY! Or a drag queen!

Ludo: …

Sarah: …

Sir Didymus: …

Sarah: Dude okay, I'm sorry but I don't think I can take you seriously with that dress on. **bursts into a fit of laughter**

Hoggle: Oh screw all of you—

Ludo: I'm suwe you wouwd wike two.

Hoggle: I'M OUTTA HERE!

Sarah: Okay then. On to save Toby!

Ludo: YAY!

Sir Didymus: Forward march!

**When Sarah arrives at the castle, she finds Jareth in undiluted hysteria flapping his arms trying to fly, surrounded by goblins rubbing their sore bums. She quickly snatches Toby and goes home to live happily ever after—that is, until Jareth (in human form) shows up at her window flapping his arms claiming that Hoggle's dress will fit her perfectly and that they should continue their game of Find Waldo…She was committed to an asylum three months later**

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My, my, my…This took an awfully sharp, unexpected turn. But if you think about it, Toby does look like a baby Waldo.

I personally don't think this should offend anyone, but just in case: This story is not meant to make fun of homosexuals in any way and it does not contain any personal opinions of mine. And should you feel the need to complain about it, I have an assistant who will drop off a gift basket to your house in order to make amends. (Any TP-ing or egging has nothing to do with me…I swear)

Read, enjoy, review.


	19. Chapter 19

What if Ludo ate the peach?

Hoggle: Hey Sarah, I heard you were hungry so…**takes out the peach** here you go.

Sarah: Oh thank you Hoggle, but I'm deathly allergic to peaches. Give it to Ludo.

Ludo: MMMM! FOOD! **takes the peach and eats it**

Hoggle: WAIT NO!

Sarah: Is something wrong with it?

Hoggle: Er…no…Just I, um, wanted to wash it first.

Ludo: NOMNOMNOMNOM.

Hoggle: Oh fiddlesticks. **runs away into the forest**

Ludo: WOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAH.

Sarah: What is it?

Ludo: BALLS.

Sarah: …

Sir Didymus: On yonder my lady. Dotted on the horizon lies the domicile of which you seek!

Sarah: Can you just shut up with all the Shakespearean language for once?

Sir Didymus: Yeah whatever. **they walk ahead and leave Ludo behind**

Ludo: Evwithing's dancing. **gets poofed away to a ballroom** UHHHHH…

Jareth: **takes off his mask all slow and sexy-like** Ludo?!

Ludo: Jaweth?

Jareth: I knew it. Life hates me.

Ludo: Aw, 'at's not twue.

Jareth: Yes it is. Nothing works out the way I want it to.

Ludo: Maybe 'cause you'we goin' about it wwong.

Jareth: How so?

Ludo: Be nice to Sawah. No bogs, monstews, and no bad stuff.

Jareth: And then she'll fall madly in love with me for all eternity?

Ludo: Compwomise.

Jareth: Thank you my fluffy friend. At our wedding, you shall be my best man.

Ludo: No pwobwem.

Jareth: Until we meet again. **poofs away to Sarah**

Sarah: Wow, that's a huge castle.

Jareth: SARAH!

Sarah: WAH!

Jareth: No, it's Jareth. Anyways, I beseech you to stay with me—

Sarah: Ya, ya. I know the sales pitch—

Jareth: **goes down on bended knee** I apologize sincerely for all that I have done to obscure your path. Should you choose to stay, I will do whatsoever you desire. You may visit the Aboveground whenever you please; you may have whatever you wish. Please Sarah, I love you.

Sarah: Holy hell…

Jareth: **produces a ring** Marry me.

Sarah: I'm only fifteen.

Jareth: Time doesn't matter when you have all of eternity. What is your answer?

**And you get to imagine the rest**

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Yeah, this was just sort of a fangirl whim. Sorry about the lack of funny.

And if you wanted to know her answer…I would have put it in, but I would want to write it like a proper story and so on so I actually wouldn't be able to post it for a few days. (Lemme know if you would actually want something like that)

I was thinking about taking out the last part and changing it to make it something ridiculous and funny or whatever, but I thought "Just screw it," so there it is. Blame David Bowie because I only get like this when I listen to his music haha.

Read, enjoy, review.


	20. Chapter 20

What if Sir Didymus ate the peach?

Sarah: OMG! Is that food around your belt, Hoggle? Were you holding out on us?

Hoggle: Oh that…Erm…Forgot it was there…Ha ha…

Sarah: Well give it already!

Hoggle: All yours **hands it over but Sir Didymus intercepts**

Sir Didymus: I smell something strange afoot. Allow me to check for poison, milady.

Sarah: Sure.

Sir Didymus: **takes a bite and gets transported to the bubble ballroom**

Sarah: You tried to poison me?!

Hoggle: NOOOO nothing like that!

Sarah: Uh-huh. Let's go Ludo. **they walk away and leave Hoggle behind**

Hoggle: The ONE time that rat's nose actually works.

Meanwhile…

Sir Didymus: AHA! My trustworthy nose is still ever faithful.

Jareth: The squirrel?!

Sir Didymus: My liege. **bows**

Jareth: Yes, yes. Nice to see you too Sir Didymus. Um, rise.

Sir Didymus: But of course. What is the purpose of you bringing me here?

Jareth: Well it was actually _Sarah_ who was supposed to eat the peach, but I guess Buttface couldn't get it right.

Sir Didymus: Sarah is the lady with whom I travel?

Jareth: Yes.

Sir Didymus: And she dare defy your wishes?

Jareth: That _and_ she's trying to tear down my kingdom along the way.

Sir Didymus: Well as your faithful servant I shall retrieve your princess!

Jareth: Really?

Sir Didymus: I am loyal to you first.

Jareth: You're not expecting payment, are you? I'm a little short on chickens lately.

Sir Didymus: No payment is needed. **Jareth poofs him back to Sarah** Milady!

Sarah: Hey! You're back!

Sir Didymus: **knocks Sarah out** I am sorry to leave you under such harsh circumstances my brother, Sir Ludo, but I must. **Sarah and Sir Didymus are poofed to Jareth's castle** My liege!

Jareth: SARAH! …She's not dead, is she?

Sir Didymus: By no account.

Jareth: Goody! Put her on my throne.

**Fourteen hours later**

Sarah: Ngh…My head…Owie.

Jareth: DARLING!

Sarah: AAAAAHHH!!! Oh wait…It's just you.

Jareth: So my _queen_, what would you like to do?

Sarah: Give me Toby!

Jareth: Very well. **picks up a goblin and hands it to her** There you go.

Sarah: Toby?! **Jareth nods** Woah wait…QUEEN?

Jareth: Yup.

Sarah: Oh heck no! **stands up**

Sir Didymus: GRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Sarah: **sits down** Didymus? You're helping him?

Sir Didymus: I am but his loyal servant.

Sarah: Oh well this is fudged up.

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Ok so I think I'm about half-way done with Sarah's response to Jareth's proposal. I hope it's a success **cross fingers**

Read, enjoy, review.


	21. Chapter 21

What if Ambrosius ate the peach?

Sarah: OOOH! My tummy's rumbling!

Sir Didymus: Dost thou have a rumbly in your tumbly?

Sarah: I'm so rumbly in my tumbly. Time to munch an early luncheon, time for something sweet!

Hoggle: Would you care for this peach?

Sarah: Sarahs love peaches and I'm a Sarah, so I do care.

Ludo: She's so wumbly in her tumbly.

Sir Didymus: Time for something sweet!

Sarah: I don't need a bushel of peaches. I'd be grateful for a plateful. When I'm rumbly in my tumbly, then it's time to eat!

Sir Didymus: It's the tasteful thing to do, be it ten or twelve or two.

Ludo: For anytime is food time when you set your clock on Sawah time!

Ambrosius: **jumps up and eats the peach to stop the singing** WOOF!

Sarah: Awww. I was so looking forward to stop the rumbly in my tumbly.

Ludo: Hum-dum-dee-dum-hum-dee-dum-dum.

Hoggle: Well that was interesting.

Ambrosius: WOOF WOOF! (In dog language, this means: I certainly do agree) **disappears**

Sir Didymus: Ambrosius? AMBROSIUS? Nooo! Not my widdle puppy dog—er—I mean: My valiant steed! Where hast thou gone?

Meanwhile…

Jareth: Places everybody! Places! Sarah should be arriving any time now so I want you to be pre—

Ambrosius: WOOF!

Jareth: …

Ambrosius: Woof woof bark woof! (I say, what a strange abode. Would you mind informing me of my location as of late?)

Jareth: Um woof? (Peanut butter?)

Ambrosius: Bark bark woof. (You are ever so strange. Have I, perhaps, been molecularly transported to an asylum for the mentally unstable?)

Jareth: Ah, let's see…I remember taking Dogish in high school…Ummm…Bark woof woof woof bark? (Sarah eat balls to be poofed by my peach to this box?)

Ambrosius: Woof bark. (I see you went to a _public_ high school.) Bark bark woof bark. (Please return me to my fox slave, otherwise known as "Sir" Didymus and I shall deliver the girl known as Sarah to you.)

Jareth: Woof. (Supercalifragalisticexpealidocious.)

Ambrosius: Bark. (I suppose we have an accord.) **gets poofed back**

Sir Didymus: Ah Ambrosius! You have returned!

Ambrosius: Bark woof woof bark bark. (Give the lady to the Goblin King.)

Sir Didymus: But—

Ambrosius: WOOF! (Now!)

**Sir Didymus does as he is told and gives Sarah to Jareth. Toby is turned into a goblin, she has to spend all eternity with Jareth, and no kingdoms were reduced to rubble. THE END…or is it? DUM DUM DUUUUUUM!**

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Yes, those are actual lyrics taken from Winnie the Pooh.

I'm _really_ hoping I can finish these What Ifs before my luck runs out and someone reports me haha.

Read, rate, enjoy.


	22. Chapter 22

What if Sarah continued dancing?

Jareth: There's such a sad love, deep in your eyes; a kind of pale jewel open and closed, within your eyes. I'll place the sky within your eyes.

Sarah: That sounds painful.

Jareth: Just shut up and let me serenade you. Ahem. **disappears into the crowd** There's such a fooled heart beating so fast, in search of new dreams; a love that will last within your heart. I'll place the moon within your heart.

Sarah: The peach is making me want to look for him. I must obey the peach. **wanders aimlessly around and trips over a dancing couple** Ow! Hey! Watch were you're dancing, bub!

Jareth: As the pain sweeps through, makes no sense for you. Every thrill has gone, wasn't too much fun at all. But I'll be there for you as the world falls down.

Sarah: The sky is falling?! The sky is falling, the sky is falling! **takes cover**

Jareth: Screw it. I'm over here, Sarah. So much for my game of cat and mouse.

Sarah: **starts dancing with him** Well if it makes you feel better, Tom and Jerry hate each other.

Jareth: Who?

Sarah: A cat and a mouse.

Jareth: Uh-huh. **twirls her** I'll paint you mornings of gold—

Sarah: OOH! Sounds pretty.

Jareth: I'll spin you Valentine evenings—

Sarah: Erm, I think I'm a bit young for that.

Jareth: Though we're strangers till now—

Sarah: Well…_You're_ the stranger to me. Sounds like you've been stalking me for quite some time.

Jareth: We're choosing the path between the stars—

Sarah: Does that mean we're star crossed lovers? I do _not_ plan on killing myself for you, buddy!

Jareth: I'll leave my love between the stars—

Sarah: I—Hey…That was actually kind of sweet.

Jareth: See? I'm not a monster.

Sarah: That's true…You just make the monsters chase after me. I'm still trying to figure out which is worse.

Jareth: Was the peach dosage not enough? This girl needs a frieken watermelon.

Sarah: What?

Jareth: Oh nothing.

Sarah: This is sort of nice…Being here with you.

Jareth: Really?

Sarah: No. The peach didn't work.

Jareth: …Your eyes can be so cruel!

Sarah: I try.

Jareth: Than why are you still here?

Sarah: I've got nothing better to do. Plus I like this dress.

Jareth: Uh-huh…You do know that you're weird, right?

Sarah: **looks at him blankly** I'm sorry. What were you saying and who are you?

Jareth: …

Sarah: And why do I taste peach?

Jareth: YES! It worked! MWUHAHAHAHA!

Sarah: What worked?

Jareth: Noooothing.

Sarah: **shrugs** Okey dokey then.

**Jareth and Sarah keep dancing. He gets to finish what he was about to do in the book (kiss her!). And they go on their first date. (Toby is returned because, honestly, why would Jareth want another goblin hanging around?)**

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Sorry. Still stuck in story mode. They'll get funny again soon.

Read, enjoy, review.


	23. Chapter 23

What if Sarah never remembered Toby?

Sarah: What was I doing? Where was I going? …Who am I?

Garbage Lady: You were searching for your younger brother Toby who is being kept in the castle beyond the Goblin City and your name is Sarah Williams.

Sarah: …

Garbage Lady: Well?

Sarah: No, that can't be it. It was something else.

Garbage Lady: Was it this? **holds up Lancelot**

Sarah: Yes! I knew it wasn't the other one. I don't even have a brother…or a mom…or a dad…Wait a minute…This isn't right.

Garbage Lady: What isn't?

Sarah: THIS! Lancelot has my initials on its tag. There are no initials!

Garbage Lady: Oh. Well let's take a looksy and see if we can't find the right one.

Sarah: Definitely!

Garbage Lady: Well here's your room. Everything in there's what you want, no? Yes?

Sarah: Definitely!

Garbage Lady: OOOH! Here's your bunny Flopsy! You love your bunny Flopsy, don't ya darling? Yes, yes, yes. And oooh! Here's your panda slippers! You love your panda slippers!

Sarah: Definitely!

Garbage Lady: …

Sarah: What?

Garbage Lady: Why do you keep saying "definitely"?

Sarah: I don't know…The name Dragontales keeps coming to mind.

Garbage Lady: The show for babies—I mean um well uh the show for kids!

Sarah: Babies…Hmmm…

Garbage Lady: Printing game!

Sarah: OOOH!

Garbage Lady: And your Waldo books—

Sarah: No.

Garbage Lady: You think you remember something?

Sarah: No, I was just saying no to the books. I hate them. I can never find the darn guy!

Garbage Lady: Oh, well then no Waldo books! **chucks them on her back**

Sarah: Oh! A red book. The…Lab-ee-runth…Lab-ie-reenth—

Garbage Lady: Do you mean Labyrinth?

Sarah: I was getting there! The Labyrinth. **flips open to a random page** Through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen.

Garbage Lady: Oh noes!

Sarah: Sounds interesting. **reads more** Hey, this Goblin King sounds smokin'. Offering to be a slave and setting up ballroom dances and saying he can't live within the ungrateful "heroine" of the story.

Garbage Lady: And none of that is ringing any bells?

Sarah: No. Why would it?

Garbage Lady: Oh no reason. Hey looky here! A shiny red ball!

Sarah: OOOOOOH!!! Shiiiny!

Garbage Lady: **sticks the shiny red ball on Sarah's back** Here ya go!

Sarah: But how will I play with it?

Garbage Lady: Fall on your back and you'll bounce up. **Sarah does it** See?

Sarah: Wow, that's awesome! **takes the ball off** But I want something more. I wish I had the Goblin King from the Labyrinth, right now.

Jareth: **appears in a whirl of glitter** Whoah! Talk about a ride!

Sarah: OH GOODY!

Jareth: Sarah!

Sarah: Who?

Jareth: YAY! Hoggle, Sir Didymus, Ludo, peaches…Any of that sound familiar?

Sarah: Um no. So you're the guy from the book?

Jareth: Yup that's me!

Sarah: You can rule me, and I'll love you and do as you say!

Jareth: …Best. Day. EVER.

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Ok so it's LONGER, but I personally think when reading this it feels like trudging along through the Bog of Eternal Stench with a goblin riding on my back…Yup.

Read, enjoy, review.


	24. Chapter 24

What if Sir Didymus had woken up the guard?

Sir Didymus: I say! Open the door!

Sarah: Shhh!

Sir Didymus: RAWR! Open this door! I'll fight you all to the death!

Sarah: Be quiet!

Sir Didymus: I shall blow my nose at you!

Sarah: Shut up!

Sir Didymus: Ah-phooooooo!

Guard: Ngh…Ugh…Wha—Whaddya want?

Sir Didymus: Open this door, I say, open this door!

Guard: How bout not.

Sir Didymus: Fine! Then I shall fight everyone, and with the help of my lady Sar—

Sarah: Shut UP! Um…Heh…We're just gonna be going now.

Sir Didymus: But your quest to the cas—

Sarah: What quest?

Guard: This all seems very suspicious…

Sarah: Oh, don't mind us. Um…Didymus here just has a condition where he shouts random stuff.

Ludo: What about your brudda?

Sarah: What brother? I'm an only child.

Guard: I think I'm going to alert the army now.

Sir Didymus: And fight you we shall!

Sarah: Shut up, Didymus!

Guard: **blows trumpet** Code red! Code RED!

Sarah: Run!

Sir Didymus: Neva!

Meanwhile

Jareth: **perched atop his mighty tower** Heh heh…Turns out my little squirrel spy did come in handy after all.

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Short, I know. I didn't like how it ended but I figured it has been a while since my last update so I should just suck it up and post the bloody thing so I can move on.

Read, enjoy, review.


	25. Chapter 25

What if Ludo couldn't fit in the goblin house?

Sarah: AH! We need to get inside! **runs inside of a goblin house**

Hoggle: What about Ludo?

Sarah: Sucks for him. Come on!

Ludo: Coming Sawah! **tries to get inside** Uh-oh…I stuck.

Sarah: What?

Ludo: STUUUUUCK!

Goblin: OOOOOH! So we meet again ya big yeti!

Ludo: Oh noes!

Goblin: Nyahahahaha! **takes out the biting stick** Take that! And that!

Ludo: ROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAR!!!

Sarah: I will avenge you Ludo!

Hoggle: He ain't dead.

Sarah: Shut up. It helps dramatize it. **runs outside** HELLO! **goblin stops attacking Ludo** My name is Sarah Williams, you killed my friend—

Hoggle: He AIN'T dead!

Sarah: Shut up! **clears throat** You killed my friend, prepare to die!

Goblin: AH! **runs away**

Sarah: Okay guys, let's go!

Ludo: I don't wanna.

Sarah: I totally saved your butt. Come on.

Ludo: You said 'sucks foe him.'

Sarah: I was just kidding.

Hoggle: Yeah…That's why you ran inside.

Sarah: …Hoggle…Do you WANT me to kick your butt?

Ludo: No thweaten fwiend! **calls the rocks to chase Sarah**

Sarah: AAAAAAHHHHH!!! **runs away into the castle**

Hoggle: Serves her right. Always taking things for granted. Like our friendship and help, and Jareth's offers, and the like.

Ludo: Yeah.

Meanwhile, in Jareth's Castle

Sarah: That was a close one.

Jareth: And so you came to my humble abode for refuge. How sweet.

Sarah: Uhhhh…Through dangers untold—

Jareth: Nope. Don't think so. **reorders time so thirteen hours is up** I win! Yaaaaay!

Sarah: …You could have just done that in the beginning to save me all this work. It's not like I learned the stupid lesson anyways.

Jareth: Psh, I just wanted the dance scene…And you looked so cute and confused.

Sarah: Did not!

Jareth: Oh yes you did my honey bunch, sugar plum.

Sarah: Oh not another song…

Jareth: OH YES! You're my honey bunch, sugar plum pumpy-umpy-umpkin. You're my sweetie pie. You're my cuppycake, gumdrops, snoogums boogums, you're the apple of my eye. And I love you so, and I want you to know that you always be right here. And I love to sing this song to you because you are so dear.

Sarah: …

Jareth: …

Sarah: Ok, I'll stay.

Jareth: YES!

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Seeing as that the AP testing is nearly over, I thought I would try to do one of these and viola!

Read, enjoy, review.


	26. Chapter 26

What if Sarah didn't reach the castle?

Sarah: Come on guys, let's go!

Hoggle: We're almost there!

Sir Didymus: Wait! Shouldn't the valiant paladin fight the treacherous foes?

Sarah: Yeah, she should. But it's so much easier to just go and get the baby.

Sir Didymus: But does that not mean you are not the heroine?

Sarah: I don't have a lot of time though!

Ludo: Brudda is right.

Sarah: You're not helping, Ludo.

Sir Didymus: Yonder goblin! My lady requests a challenge!

Sarah: No she doesn't!

Goblin: WOOHOO! Time for a promotion!

Sarah: But I don't even have a weapon.

Sir Didymus: Thou shall useth mine staff…eth. **tosses her the staff**

Sarah: Ah! Leave me alone!

Goblin: Neva!

Sarah: **runs away** Didymus, help!

Sir Didymus: You must persevere!

Hoggle: She's dead meat if you ask me.

Sarah: **gets bit by the goblin's biting stick** OW! Guys, help!

Goblin: Mwahahahaha!

Sarah: Oh it's not fair! **runs outside of the goblin city**

Several minutes later

Jareth: Ha! I win!

Goblin: I iz da one who run her off!

Jareth: Excuse me?

Goblin: Yez sir! Chased her out of za city!

Jareth: …You were supposed to trap her so I could come in a dashing whirl of glitter and whisk her away to paradise!

Goblin: So I _don't_ get a promotion?

Jareth: No you twit!

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I'm going through a really hard time right now, but I'm hoping I can get more of these done soon.

Read, enjoy, review.


	27. Chapter 27

What if Jareth had never used the Escher room before?

Sarah: Toby? Toby, where are you?

Jareth: BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BUM! How you've turned my world you precious thing. You starve and near exhaust me. **tries to get on the same side of the floor Sarah is on** Ugh! Come on.

Sarah: …Having a little trouble?

Jareth: It's not my fault, okay? I've never used this room before. I just made it today, give me a break. Ahem. Everything I've done, I've done for you. **goes to walk up a wall but collides with it instead** OW!

Sarah: Haha! What a dork!

Jareth: You try defying gravity! It's not that easy.

Sarah: Uh-huh. And your almighty powers can't help you?

Jareth: Oh my powers! I didn't think of that. Honestly, you think I'm that stupid?

Sarah: Well you _did_ try to gain my love by stealing my brother, drugging me, sending the Cleaner after me, attacking me with your army—

Jareth: Alright, alright. I get it.

Sarah: So how does this work? Do I just jump and float to the floor safely?

Jareth: You think I can help you? I can barely move around myself. Not to mention all my blood is rushing to my head.

Sarah: But you're immortal, doesn't that mean you don't have blood?

Jareth: I'm not part of a cheesy romance novel directed at foolish teenage girls who are obsessed with abusive, gay men. I still bleed, and my heart still hurts like any mortal.

Sarah: …Did you actually read said novel?

Jareth: I read three-quarters of it before feeding it to my chicken. But that is beside the point!

Sarah: Toby!

Jareth: What?

Sarah: AHA! I got you going on a monologue!

Jareth: Schiz-niggits!

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I dare someone to take a gander of what book I speak of. (Hint: it is a series). Sorry to everyone who likes it, I just couldn't help myself.

Also, Teh Mub, I believe you asked what song Jareth was singing in the shower. I apologize for forgetting to mention it. The title is "Whispers in the Dark" by Skillet.

Read, enjoy, review.


	28. Chapter 28

What if Jareth had magic trouble and he didn't walk through Sarah?

Jareth: Sarah! My love, my life, my all, we are together at last.

Sarah: Creeper.

Jareth: I most certainly am not. Don't you know how you've turned my world?

Sarah: …You do know that's just a saying, right? You don't actually have to be upside down.

Jareth: Oh. Well anyways, **clears throat** Everything I've done, I've done for you. **collides with her**

Sarah: OW! Hey! Watch where you're going!

Jareth: Let me try that again. **bumps into her again**

Sarah: Quit it!

Jareth: Why isn't it working?!

Sarah: What isn't working?

Jareth: I'm supposed to sing, "Everything I've done, I've done for you," then walk through you, but it's not working.

Sarah: Can't you just walk around me?

Jareth: But then I wouldn't be able to see that cute, amazed face of yours as I magic-fy you.

Sarah: Magic-fy?

Jareth: EXACTLY! I knew you would see my point. So let's try again—

Sarah: No! You're gonna knock me off the edge if we bump anymore!

Jareth: Ugh, fine. Just ruin the drama why don't you? Okay. You go right, I'll go left.

Sarah: Okay!

Jareth: One…Two…Three! **they bump into each other**

Sarah: Stupid!

Jareth: Actually I just wanted to bump into you again, my succulent, creamy, dreamy girl.

Sarah: …Cripes. You are one crazy looney-toon.

Jareth: And yet you give your love to a beast, a traitor, and a fluff-ball.

Sarah: What can I say? I've got a soft touch.

Jareth: Yes…Soft touch.

Sarah: That's it! I'm outta here! Screw the baby! I can't deal with your antics. Ugh!

Jareth: But my succulently slender princess, you didn't give me a hug goodbye!

Sarah: Go away!

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Yes, the reference was to Twilight. Once again, sorry to anyone who likes it, but it's way too easy for me to poke fun at.

In this one there are a lot of words I stole from The 10th Kingdom. If you haven't seen that yet, go and see it! Wolf will not disappoint.

So I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I did. Only four more left!

Read, enjoy, review.


	29. Chapter 29

What if Sarah took up Jareth's offer the last time?

Jareth: Cue dramatic music!

Sarah: Give me the child.

Jareth: Sarah, beware. I have been generous up until now, I can be cruel.

Sarah: Beware? You can be cruel? You honestly don't think you can intimidate me.

Jareth: You cowered before me.

Sarah: Not really. I flinched. There's a big difference between flinching and cowering.

Jareth: I am exhausted from living up to your expectations.

Sarah: Just to let you know, my expectations don't involve being chased by machines with weapons, being drugged, or being attacked by armies, but please continue. I am so eager to hear what truth you shall speak next, all-knowing one.

Jareth: You know you really shouldn't mumble because I cannot hear a word you're saying.

Sarah: I wasn't—

Jareth: MUMBLER!

Sarah: OKAY! IS THIS LOUD ENOUGH?! THROUGH DANGERS UNTOLD AND HARDSHIPS UNNUMBERED, I HAVE FOUGHT MY WAY HERE TO THE CASTLE BEYOND THE GOBLIN CITY—

Jareth: LALALALALALA! I can't hear you!

Sarah: FOR MY WILL IS AS STRONG AS YOURS, AND MY KINGD—

Jareth: Stop! Wait. Look Sarah, look at what I'm offering you; your dreams.

Sarah: And my kingdom as great—

Jareth: I ask for so little. Just let me rule you and you can have everything that you want. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave.

Sarah: …How does that work?

Jareth: What do you mean?

Sarah: You said, "Let me rule you," and that I have to fear you and love you and do as _you_ say.

Jareth: Yes, and?

Sarah: Then you say you'll be _my_ slave. Sounds a little backwards.

Jareth: I call it a give-give relationship.

Sarah: **flashback of her singing in her room: If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give. Taking is too easy! That's the way it is.** You spied on me?

Jareth: What else is there to do at night?

Sarah: Ew! You're so gross! I mean, UGH! That is NOT okay!

Jareth: But Edward did it and Bella went head over heels for him! She even had a demon baby with him who will most likely eat her alive!

Sarah: And you used _that_ as a model for how to act?!

Jareth: Yes! And I smell you and I constantly think about how easy it is to kill you and how I glitter and sparkle in the sunlight **begins to approach her** and how clumsy you are and—

Sarah: Get away from me!

Jareth: AHA! Gotcha!

Sarah: W-what?

Jareth: I made you cower!

Sarah: So none of that was true?

Jareth: Nope.

Sarah: Wow…so you're as determined to make your point as I am…We have a lot more in common than I thought.

Jareth: If you just take a step back, you can see the bigger picture.

Sarah: Tell me it's just this place, but I think I feel something towards you.

Jareth: Well it is a magical place, but flowers only grow where there are seeds, and fireworks only happen when there's stuff in the rockets already.

Sarah: Ask me the offer again.

Jareth: Stay?

Sarah: Yes!

Jareth: Yippee! I'll return Toby at once.

Sarah: Heh…He's already under my thumb.

Jareth: What was that?

Sarah: Oh nothing.

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Direct quotes from: Twilight (sorry again), Charlie and the Chocolate factory, and The 10th Kingdom, and, of course, Labyrinth.

Read, enjoy, review.


	30. Chapter 30

OOPS! Almost forgot about this one:

What if Sarah figured out the stairs?

Jareth: Aha! You will never be able to reach your beloved brother!

Sarah: Shouldn't you be moping in self-pity?

Jareth: Aw, but this is so much more entertaining. Plus I hate being the heart-broken puppy.

Sarah: Well you aren't gonna get any fangirls unless you start moping while singing of your unrequited love.

Jareth: What are fangirls?

Sarah: Never mind.

Jareth: Babe Toby makes quite a mess, but young Sarah's are lovely.

Sarah: Do you mind? I'm trying to concentrate.

Jareth: Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

Sarah: **puts one foot on the wall** Now if I just _push_…**now standing on the wall** HA!

Jareth: How'd you do that?!

Sarah: You should know.

Jareth: Well, yeah. But how did _you_ do that?

Sarah: Just lift and push. **goes over another wall closer to Toby** Piece of cake.

Jareth: You say that so often—

Sarah: Wondering what my basis for comparison is?

Jareth: No. I'm wondering why everything is so easy to do in this place.

Sarah: Hello Toby. Miss me?

Toby: Goo?

Jareth: You'll get better results if you ask him what he missed about you.

Sarah: Don't tell me how to talk to my brother. But out of curiosity, why?

Jareth: Find out for yourself.

Sarah: Toby, what did you miss about me?

Toby: Nothing tra la la.

Jareth: Isn't it great? I taught him that myself.

Sarah: …

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Guess I was so excited about almost being done that this one slipped my mind. Oh well, it's here now.

And aren't I just horrible? I stole yet _another_ line from The 10th Kingdom (altered it a little so it would fit…but still).

Read, enjoy, review.


	31. Chapter 31

What if Sarah couldn't remember her line?

Sarah: Give me the child.

Jareth: Sarah, beware. I have been generous up until now, I can be cruel.

Sarah: Generous? Generous?! I'm losing my hair from your "generosity"! Look! **takes out a clump of hair**

Jareth: …Ewwwwwwww.

Sarah: And to make things worse, I'm on my flippin' period!

Jareth: TMI! TMFI!

Sarah: Well you asked for it. Now give me the stinkin' baby!

Jareth: Say your right words, my menstrual maiden.

Sarah: FINE! Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great…

Jareth: Yup. Just like clockwork.

Sarah: Hush up. I know it.

Jareth: Sure you do.

Sarah: Just give me a second.

Jareth: You've got all the time in the world.

Sarah: Through dangers untold…Goblin City…will…kingdom…something something something.

Jareth: Heh.

Sarah: _You_ try memorizing a monologue like this. It's tough work.

Jareth: Well I _did_ write the lyrics to four songs, compose the music, and sing them flawlessly…But that is no where _near_ as hard as one little monologue.

Sarah: I have a lot of pressure on me.

Jareth: At least you're not trying to run a kingdom _and_ win the love of your life's heart.

Sarah: You put yourself there!

Jareth: I just wanted to finally have a face-to-face conversation with you!

Sarah: I just wanted to live a normal life!

Jareth: That's all it ever is with you! ME ME ME ME ME!

Sarah: THE SAME COULD BE SAID ABOUT YOU!

Jareth: At least I don't attack my suitors!

Sarah: Because you don't have any!

Jareth: Yeah, well—

Sarah: UGH! What was that line?

Jareth: Screw the line! We're just seconds away from a crazy make-out session!

Sarah: **sits down** I merely need to stay focused and calm.

Jareth: …

Sarah: …

Jareth: Sarah?

Sarah: WHAT?!

Jareth: Remember?

Sarah: …No…

Jareth: HA! Luh-who-zee-her!

Sarah: Suck an elf.

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I give credit where credit is due. Direct quotes from Ace Ventura and (here's a shocker) The 10th Kingdom.

Oh my. Almost done.

Read, enjoy, review.


	32. Chapter 32

What if Sarah's parents got back before she did?

Sarah: You have no power over me!

Jareth: Darnit!

Sarah: HA! You didn't think I could win, but I totally whooped you!

Jareth: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever.

Sarah: Awwww. Seems like _some_one's a sore loser.

Jareth: Can you just shut up and leave?

Sarah: Can't I gloat for just a little longer?

Jareth: …

Sarah: …I'll just be leaving now then. **gets poofed back home**

Robert (a.k.a. Dad): Just where have you been young lady?

Sarah: W-what?

Irene (a.k.a. Mom): We've been waiting here for you for nearly a half-hour.

Sarah: Um…I was um…With someone…

Irene: A boy type of someone?

Sarah: Well…

Irene: YES! AHA! You're dating! FINALLY! For a second there I was beginning to think that you were going to end up as the crazy cat lady on the block.

Robert: How old is he? What does he look like? Where does he live?

Sarah: Um well—

Irene: Who cares?! She's _dating_ for goodness sake!

Robert: Where did you two go? Did he just drop you off?

Sarah: We didn't go too far. And yeah, I guess you can say he did.

Irene: Oh goody! Maybe we can catch him!

Sarah: B-but I don't really like him so you two really don't need to meet him.

Irene: Nonsense!

Sarah: Er…Hold on one second. **ran outside** Okay, Jareth. I need you.

Jareth: **arrives in a swirl of glitter** Yes, Sarah dearest?

Sarah: You need to pretend to be my boyfriend.

Jareth: Can't we do more than just _pretend_?

Sarah: No.

Jareth: Bu—

Sarah: No!

Jareth: Just burst my bubble twice in one day, why don't you?

Sarah: We need to make this look convincing. Um…My favorite color is blue—

Jareth: The color I wore when we first met.

Sarah: I like to eat lots of fruit—

Jareth: Like peaches.

Sarah: _Not_ like peaches. And I like to read.

Jareth: Especially The Labyrinth.

Sarah: I'm going to ignore you now.

Jareth: This is really rather pointless anyways. I already know all that there is to know.

Sarah: Oh yeah? When is my birthday?

Jareth: February seventeenth.

Sarah: What's my dog's name?

Jareth: Merlin.

Sarah: What is my favorite desert?

Jareth: Chocolate shake.

Sarah: When—

Jareth: The third week.

Sarah: What?

Jareth: Weren't you going to ask when your period was?

Sarah: No.

Jareth: Oh.

Irene: What's taking you so long? Oh, hello.

Jareth: Hello, Mrs. Williams.

Irene: Well he certainly has manners.

Sarah: If you only knew.

Irene: What?

Sarah: Nothing.

Robert: He looks too old for you.

Jareth: I'm just tall. I'm really only sixteen.

Robert: Hmph. Your hair and attire are rather…different.

Jareth: Yes well, I just got back from a play.

Irene: What was it called?

Jareth: The Labyrinth.

Irene: Sarah _loves_ that book!

Jareth: Yes, I know.

Sarah: Okay. So now everyone knows everyone so he can go.

Irene: Wait! I didn't catch his name.

Jareth: It's Jareth.

Irene: How unique. Well, you sure are a keeper.

Sarah: Uhuh, yeah. Time to go!

Irene: Aren't you gonna give him a kiss goodnight?

Jareth: Yes she is! **pulls Sarah into a fanservice kiss**

Robert: …That's highly inappropriate!

Irene: Shut up, Robert.

Robert: Fine. **goes inside**

Sarah: Okay. _Now_ you can go.

Irene: Nice meeting you, Jareth. I hope to see you around soon.

Jareth: As do I.

Sarah: Good grief.

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Well…It's longer.

So all the while I've been posting these, I've been confused with the numbers. There was one chapter missing and I couldn't find it for the life of me. But I finally found it so I'll be posting it at the end along with a few others suggested by dp 4 gk

One more to go!!! (Not including the bonuses)

Read, enjoy, review.


	33. Chapter 33

What if Jareth was invited to the party?

Sarah: **sitting in front of her mirror** Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? **Ludo appears in her mirror** No frieken way!

Ludo: Goodbye Sawah.

Sir Didymus: And remember, fair maiden, should you need us…

Hoggle: Yes, should you need us, for any reason at all…

Sarah: I need you, Hoggle.

Hoggle: You do? But it's only been five minutes!

Sarah: Do you wanna come over and party or not?

Hoggle: Party? Hey everybody! Party at Sarah's crib! **everyone appears in her room**

Sarah: Aw! I missed all of you! Even you Mr. Firey. And you Mr. Goblin-Who-Shot-At-Me-With-The- Machinegun.

Sir Didymus: Anyone for a game of Scrabble?

Ludo: I want to pway!

Hoggle: How do you expect to win? You can't even talk right!

Sarah: Oh you two are such a pair. **sees a barn owl sitting outside her window** Hey Hoggle, isn't that Jareth?  
Hoggle: You want me to shoosh him away? I think I still have that fairy spray on me; might work on an owl.

Sarah: Nah. I think I'm gonna let him in.

Ludo: Wha'?

Sarah: After all, I do have the Fireys in here and the goblins that tried to kill us.

Sir Didymus: The lady dost haveth a point.

Sarah: **opens her window** Come on in ya fluff ball.

Jareth: Hello…infidel.

Sarah: Can't you just be happy that you get to come to my party?

Jareth: I'm ecstatic, but I need to keep that cool and sexy demeanor like I couldn't care less.

Sarah: Uh-huh…

Jareth: Who am I kidding. Want to go somewhere more quiet?

Sarah: Ummm…

Jareth: Oh I get it. You want me to take you "against your will" so it can be angsty.

Sarah: That's not what I was going to say.

Jareth: But you were thinking it.

Hoggle: Is he bugging you?

Jareth: What are you gonna do about it, Higgle?

Hoggle: …I should slap you.

Jareth: Too bad you can't reach.

Sarah: Chillax guys. It's a party.

Jareth: I still think you and I should sway through the crowd to an empty space.

Sarah: Are you trying to impersonate David Bowie? Because you really suck at it.

Jareth: Who?

Sarah: Nevermind…

Jareth: Anywho…Want to come back with me to the Underground?

Sarah: …Sure.

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Awwwww! It's the last (official) chapter!

I want to thank everyone who went through the journey of reading this. And I also want to thank everyone who stuck around to review too, you really made me smile.

Since this story was just _so_ popular, I figure I might as well promote a story I'm developing called Waking Up in Vegas. It is a J/S pairing (duh) and the material will be somewhat explicit in areas. Check it out when I put it up _please_.

Read, enjoy, review.

P.S. Don't forget about the four little bonuses that will pop up soon.


	34. Chapter 34

**Bonus Chapter: 1**

What if Sarah turned left instead of right?

Hoggle: So would you go left or right?

Sarah: AH! What a hard question! Um um um um…MAN! I wasn't ready for a test!

Hoggle: It's just left or right, pick damn it.

Sarah: Erm…**sticks hands in front of face and holds up her thumb and index finger** L stands for left, and the backwards L is right…So I guess "a" squared plus "b" squared equals "c" squared and e=mc squared. So two squares minus a triangle equals an L so I'll go left.

Hoggle: …

Sarah: You're just jealous 'cause you couldn't think of it first. Well, thanks for nothing Emilio.

Hoggle: WTF? My name is Hoggle. HAW-GUL.

Sarah: Adios.

**takes a few steps to the left and falls down into an oubliette**

Hoggle: And you can gets out on your own, ya dumb girl!

Jareth: **arrives in a flood of glitter** AHA! I shall win for sure now!

Sarah: Ooooh.

Jareth: What's going on down there? **peers into the hole** Damn you helping hands! Stop touching her, you perverts!

Sarah: It's ok. I don't mind.

Jareth: I doooooo! **starts stomping around throwing a tantrum** That's my job!

Sarah: Teehee. I'm so glad I went left.

Hoggle: Bah! You're all dumb.

Jareth: **glare**

Hoggle: **gets poofed away to the Bog of Eternal Stench**

Jareth: **sigh** FINE! I'll just Dance Magic Dance with Toby!

Sarah: Ok.

Jareth: **mumbling incoherently** Girl…Labyrinth…Hedgewart…HANDS! **poofs away**

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This was _supposed_ to be the third What If. I'm not usually that scatterbrained…Oh well.

Read, enjoy, review.


	35. Chapter 35

_**Bonus Chapter: 2** _

_What if Jareth kissed Sarah at the ball?_

_Sarah: OOOH! Pretty ballroom!_

_Jareth: Yes! Part one of my plan is complete!_

_Sarah: Jareth? What are you doing here?_

_Jareth: J-Jareth? My name's Bobby. I get that a lot though._

_Sarah: Oh. Well, if you see Jareth, let me know._

_Jareth: Why?_

_Sarah: I have to get my brother back._

_Jareth: …Oh. Are you sure it's not because you're irresistibly attracted to his charm?_

_Sarah: First off: Ew. Secondly: EW! Anyways, I'm going to go look for him now. Thanks, Bobby._

_Jareth: Uh-huh. **Sarah walks away** Part one of my plan is a little less complete…But ninety percent isn't that bad! **goes to stalk Sarah**_

_Sarah: Hey Bobby! Find Jareth yet?_

_Jareth: I am Jareth._

_Sarah: O-M-G. Did you know there's this guy named Bobby who looks EXACTLY like you?_

_Jareth: …_

_Sarah: No! Seriously! He even has your weird eyebrows._

_Jareth: They are not weird! _

_Sarah: Uh-huh. Just like you're not an evil baby-stealer._

_Jareth: I'm not evil. I'm just drawn that way. Anywho, care to dance?_

_Sarah: …You are my sworn enemy…Sure! **starts dancing with Jareth**_

_Jareth: Part two of my plan: COMPLETE!_

_Sarah: What are you babbling about?_

_Jareth: All in good time, my dear. **dips her**_

_Sarah: Ack! My back! **Jareth lifts her up** I don't know how those ballroom dancers do it! I felt like I was gonna break in half! Whoah…_

_Jareth: What is it?_

_Sarah: I feel really weird. I don't quite remember your name…But I don't actually have to know you to keep dancing, so it's all good._

_Jareth: PART THREE! YIPPEE! **kisses Sarah**_

_Sarah: Whoah Nellie! How old are you?!_

_Jareth: Um…Fifteen?_

_Sarah: Oh, okay. For a second there I thought you were a full grown man. Talk about stranger danger, haha!_

_Jareth: Oh my. Look at the time._

_Sarah: Thirteen o'clock. But I could have sworn it was on the eleven not too long ago._

_Jareth: Yeah, I sort of reordered time so that the kiss lasted for a really long time. Wanna hang out in my castle?_

_Sarah: Sure! Do you have pretty ponies I can ride?_

_Jareth: As long as you don't try to take back your brother._

_Sarah: What brother?_

_Jareth: PART FOUR!!! LIFE IS SWEET!_

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_Sorry it took me a while to put this up, but my computer finally died __L _

_Luckily, I have a very generous friend soooo viola!_

_There was a query made about the fanfiction I'm writing called Waking Up In Vegas. I have most of the chapters already written, but I want a beta to go over it first; and, unfortunately, I'm leaving to work at a camp in a few days so I will not be able to post the chapters for three weeks (oh my!). The genre is pretty much romance, drama, and some humor. Hopefully I don't disappoint! And it is going to be a full length story, not just some ten pages._

_This bonus chapter was suggested by dp 4 gk_

_And since I'm trying to bring this to a close, I won't be accepting any more ideas. BUT if you get one, please feel free to write it. I won't feel like you're stealing my idea, I'd actually be flattered._

_Wow! Long A/N!_

_Read, enjoy, review._


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